Happy Birthday!!

Its ma birthday today.. And people been wishing me since last nyte.. "Hpy B'day sammy" "Hpy B'day dude". Actually all that crap is thx to Orkut where your Bday reminder sticks out like a "Pyasi Jawaani" poster on the theater wall.. Hpy B'day.. Hpy New Year.. Been hearin a lot recently.. Whatever’s supposed to be happy about a new year I’ll never guess. I mean, it’s not like one night of beer makes everything better (though it may well SEEM that way).

Talkin of New year 07.. Lets not even talk bout it.. I was presuming that I would end up at "Ol park" listening to the orchestra and wasting 10 bucks on a "Housie" ticket as usual.. But it was not to be.. Was down with a bad fever and cold and sore throat et al and ended up watching Godzilla at home.. Hindi mein.. "Bhago Bhago Godzilla aa raha hai" Scary!! In contrast, Nu yr 06 was great.. The first party i actually went to.. Loads of chicks n al.. Din check out the chicks tho.. I wonder what prompted such inaction.. Anywaz that new yr led to the most fucked up year I have ever had.. Not one thing went my way.. Right from the start.. Some cheer came in the dying moments of the year when i went on to set new drinking records.. Yea right! Doesn seem like something to be prud of, some wud say.. wateva!! Lets jus hope this fucked up new yr leads to somethin better, tho I don see any such signs..

Coming back to today morning.. The cops are hot on my trail.. I push down the pedal and the Mustang roars away to glory.. Im fast approaching the Light house.. I apply the hand brake and the car skids to a halt after a perfect 180 degree spin.. I climb the light house.. Uma Thurman is right on my tail.. I realise its a scene from Kill Bill.. Oops.. I prepare for a "bloody" ending.. She takes out her sword and lashes at me.. Its headed right towards my throat.. I complete a Matrix style jump and move out of the swords path.. Only to find that I have jumped across the railing and staring at the nothingness below.... Im gaining momentum.. This is gonna be a bad ending.. I say to myself " Hey sammy now dat u are fallin down u might as well try flying, it couldn hurt"... SPLAT!!!

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<*The author is lying on the bed in a wierd position resembling that of a horse doing Suryanamaskaram, whatevr dat is supp to be*>

MOM: (angry tone) Get up!!! Go take a shower, quick!!!

Me: Maaa... its only 10 o clock..

Mom: ITS 10 O CLOCK!!!

Me: Its my b'day maa...

Mom: ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!

Me: Ma, don u think u shud be waking me up by saying somethin nice.. like Happy B'day for example???

Mom: (givin that lovely smile) Go take a shower first, n join us for breakfast..

Me: Now your talkin....

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After half an hour of tryin real hard to get out bed Im finally up.. I switch on the TV.. Some swami is tellin... "Look inside you... Understand yourself" I change the channel.. If i tried to understand myself I'd run away!!! Aussies are clobbering the kiwi's all over the park.. DAMN! I pick up the news paper and turn to the last page as usual.. Now now.. I agree im a "back-side" guy but even newspapers.. Jeez.. Something is definitely wrong.. Anywaz.. The paper says... "Research finds that humans have come from Mars" WTF?? Im a marsian???

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And it was supposed to be a "Happy" birthday.. I guess B'days become fun when u get gifts.. If only one of you silly fucks could think beyond plain wishing.. (and get me a present, if u still din get it... Damn!! Im surrounded by idiots :P) Now when was the last time I ever got a Bday gift... hmmmm.... hmmmm... Yea got it.. I was in the 4th std and all my Bro's friends had come over.. I guess it was the best Bday ever.. Got such coool gifts.. A comic book (which i totally luvd) A bunch of chocolates (which got over in no time).. the rest i don rmbr but they were all good.. I rmbr the best one tho.. A HE-MAN pencil box.. It was jus too kewl... It actually went on to destroy all the other "evil" pencil boxes in school....

Bro used to get me some great gifts too.. He s da best chap getting stuff for me when he was earning almost nothin.. Rarely used to get anythin for himself.. Wat lil he used to get, i used to steal :D (Hey stealin from your elder bro is so much fun.. If u haven done it u hv missed one of the best thngs in life) I remember my first (and only) Nike shoes that he gifted me with his first salary of jus 2000 rupees... I flaunted it all over the place... Miss ya Bro..

Gifts have truly grown expensive... Im not much of a gifty gifty person but for the right people its ok I don mind.. But jus look at the response you get.. Last time I spent a small fortune on a bag... All i get is the "Do u have any taste in things you moron" look!! Lets reverse the case now.. I don get a gift but an accusing "Hey i tried ok!!" Like its all my fault!! Dats fine.. dats fine.. Im SO HAPPY that u tried wow im on cloud 9.. ( no pun intended here, jus plain humour ;) ) Jus look at the names i get called.. "The guy with the hopeless clothes" "The drunkard" "That cheapo".. Hello! time u be nice to me.. Im gna get my first sal in a few months time... ;)

My columns always end up so long that nobody actually reads em but then if you have reached this point i congratulate you on achieving a personal milestone of reading crap content.. Its time i went on to waste my Bday doin other insignificant things... and hope that some1 will get me a gift :) C ya folks!!!

CHeerS!!