Im Back!!!

Hello Folks!!!!

I know I know. Its been really long since I posted anything but Im sure the very few people who do visit my blog wont be complaining. Actually I have been kinda busy. It’s taken me almost a month to “mug” the title “Design and implementation of Business Service Configurator in the Service Level Objective framework” which happens to be my final year project btw. And another 3 days to flick the coding off the net and finish it.

Few things have prompted me to start writing again…

I get the feeling that my blog has been rotting away and I have lost what little flair I had for writing… of course…

My previous post was pathetic… of course

I have an exam tomorrow and have to do SOMEthing desperately to keep my mind off it… of course…

And Of course, I’m slightly drunk.

Not the drunk type of drunk, jus slightly drunk. The kinda drunk you get after downin two quarters of vodka on a two-day empty stomach. We are talking of a slight inability to stand here…

The world cup fever is on and how I could I not write something about our very own Men in blue… Disasters in blue would be more like it. The Indian team made a big joke of itself by losing to Bangladesh and then followed it up by losing again to Sri Lanka and getting kicked out of the first round. HOO HA INDIA, AAYA INDIA, quite literally!!!!

The highlight of the campaign was the coming back to form of Dada. He scored runs at a “Grandfatherly” pace and somehow managed to free himself from the “We have to point the finger at someone” game. After many rounds of finger-pointing it was decided to squarely lay the blame on Indira Gandhi… For having created Bangladesh!!!

At this point of time I have to talk bout the guy who goes around by the name of Bob, err… who went around rather. Jokes aside Bob was really a great guy and I have a lot of respect for the chap. I have never been much of a cricket fan but Bob and Hansie (Before they were late Bob and late Hansie) inspired me so much that till date I root for the Proteas.

Enough of cricket!!! Wrestle Mania 23 is jus around the corner and I jus can’t wait to see it. The card may not be too star studded but the main events are sure to make any Wrestling fan go crazy. I shall come up with a review of Mania very soon.

That’s it for now mayte… I shall meet you very soon…

Till Then…

Cheers!!!

“Reality is the illusion created by the lack of alcohol”

GO(a)ING!!!

It was an easy choice. The decision was unanimous. Dont remember the last time when I decided something so quickly. I think it was some time last year when we wanted to watch a movie and the only movies in the vicinity were Vijay's "Sivakasi" and the cheap sleazy flick "Peeping Tom". No prizes for guessing which movie we went to...

Folks!!! Your very own "drunknmunky" is off on a loooog trip. The travel itinerary is as follows:

9/2/07 : Leaving for Madras
10/2/07 & 11/2/07 : Madras
12/2/07 - 16/2/07 : Goa
17/2/07 & 18/2/07 : Bangalore

In short :: 9/2/07 to 18/2/07 loads of booze n loads of masti...

I was particularly excited about the Goa trip cause I have dreamed of this for a reaaaaly long time. Maybe even before I knew what a bikini was. And now I know what “without the bikini” is. Goa…. The land of the beaches, babes, boo**, bikinis… I don totally agree… Goa… The land of BOOZE!!! I mean bikini or bi(n)kini is obviously a sight that shouldn’t be missed but hell not at the cost of booze.

Unfortunately booze is not the top priority for every1 on the tour so I have to be a lil more patient. And by the way don get any ideas I luv to watch em women too ;-)

I was wondering if I had any good clothes to carry along with me. The answer was as usual a NO. Its been ages since I bought myself a pair of decent clothes. Damn, I even had to borrow clothes for my interview. Hell, who cares!! Im not much of a sucker for dressing up good anyway. Even if I do get myself to buy a pair of decent clothes it’ll be ages before I can impress Ashu.

Anyway, jus for the simple reason that the 3 “Jockeys” and 2 “Rupa Macroman’s” that I own are enuff to grant me access to “almost” all the places in Goa, I never considered the thought of buying anything for the trip.

Had it not been for Vinod’s stupidity I would have left for the trip kinda “light”. But nay… He wouldn have it. He asked me “What bout the areas where chaddis are not allowed???” Now, I don’t know what he meant exactly but it sounded like he was either referring to a pub or the public transport or something where they might expect you to be in something more than chaddis or maybe he was talking bout a brothel or or the nude beach where you wouldn need em anyway. Either ways I decided to do some pre-Goa shopping.

“What the fuck can you buy with 300 bucks anyway!!!!!” asked Vinod. Look buddy, that’s all I got. Don expect me to spend more than that on a stupid jean. I mean, I don give two straws for a designer label stuck up my butt!! Now how many do you think are gonna check out my ass??? If I was J-Lo or Shakira I should be worrying bout what my butt looks like but as far as I’m concerned my butt is as interesting to world as the color of G.W.Bush’s undies.

I really have to give it up for you dude. (Standing and bowing in front of the reader). After listenin to me talk bout my preferred underwear brands, my butt, my cheap taste in clothes and for Christ’s Sake the color of Bush’s panties, If you are still here you sure have some taste in literature.

Ok lemme wrap up for the day. From tomorrow ill present to you “The Drunken Diaries”, my account of one of the most amazing trips I have ever had. For those of you who are still wondering what I finally bought myself, I got a “cargo”. Why?? I jus thought of the constipated look that my house owner ladydee gives me each time I bring up booze to my room and decided to take pity on her. No more hassles of tryin to hide bottles.

If you have enjoyed the article… You are plain sick!!!

If you have learned something from this… I pity you!!!

And if you aint down with that…

I have jus two words for you…

Chow!!!!

To go or not to go(a)..

Its been a bad week, really irritating. Th usual actually!! Now for those of you who are interested to know what really happened you can read on. Rest of you. I have jus 2 words for ya...

Hmmm.. I have never really written a blog on my weekly activities and jus cause I dont wanna give the impression of being a self obsessed swine I shall make it short...

Lets see... Past 7 days, I went to college 3 times, got kicked out 2 times, boozed 7 times, felt like puking 1 time, saw the paris hilton porno 13 times, used the word "fuck" 194 times, used some other abusive word 263 times, got irritated with some jackass or the other 1825 times, had food 8 times, went to "aroma bakery" 26 times and so many other insignificant things for an insignificant number of times...

Thought of writing a new column "The good, the bad and the ugly" in my blog. Thought I would update the jobless world on my weekly doings (which is usually nly booze n sleep, but stil). After typing the first few lines I realised that it should be called the "ugly" column rather cause there is never anythin to write under the "good" and "bad" segments...

I suddenly realised that I have been doing so much nothing over the past few months. More nothing than ever. This is really bad. Then I decided that something has to be done about this. And for once doing "something" has to be "something" unrelated to booze. I have convinced myself to go on an adventure to rejuvenate myself. Oh ho... I see the no booze strategy failing now itself... Hell!! who cares...

Ok guys I'll take your leave now, but I promise to be back with more crap the next time I log on..

Till then...

Adiós

Tam slang for you...

A look at the dictionary of an "average" (if something like that exists) college going student (usually engineering) in our very own loveable Tamland...

Kadalai:

Literal meaning: Groundnuts

Closest English translation: Flirting

Perhaps the most used word in the student's dictionary. Not to be confused with its closest English translation that has been mentioned earlier. Kadalai "putting" is an art... Yes yes… U dont "eat" this groundnut u "put" it... Various media for communication are mobile phone, the phone booth, sms, instant msgn and face to face kadalaifying.

When Kadalai is being put by a girl and a boy there will inevitably be a group of boys who will "spot" the event and declare with the utmost joy that.... "See da he is putting kadalai". The joy is almost equivalent to the joy obtained by putting kadalai yourself. This is usually followed by the group staring at the “kadalai-couple” with gaping mouths.

Kadalai can be put anywhere... The only requirements are a boy/girl exhibiting similar kadalai-motivation levels. The best places to put kadalai are the college canteen, the empty classroom (After every1 has left or before any1 has arrived as the case may be, the former being practised more often) and en route the ladies hostel.

Frequent kadalaiers usually avoid places like Coffee Day and the like because of serious lack of funds that every college-goer suffers from… Due to the complex nature of the topic I shall dedicate a separate blog to this later on…

Finance:

Literal Meaning: The management of certain amount of money

Our dictionary says…

You wake up in the morning, hungry and most probably hung over from the previous night’s booze... You try hard to recollect what might have happened but then give up presuming that you might have passed out at the bar as usual...

Your stomach is rumbling like the cave in “Alibaba aur 40 chor” You check your purse and it’s empty (as usual)... Flashes of your friends carrying you home come to your mind... One look at em and the “U better get us some food” look is enough to tell you that you are in deep shit...

Never fear… Finance is here…

Finance: Your one stop source for money (when you really need it, and when you feel like boozing). An institution that will give you money in exchange for goods such as cellular phones, gold chains, rings and other valuable items…

The amount of money “financed” depends on the value of the goods you place in the finance (obviously) N70>1100 etc etc… All you have to do is pay a “vatti” (interest) each month and voila!! Things are gloomy anymore…

The excessive demand created by the student’s has led to many more goods being brought under the finance-able spectrum. Laptops, digital cameras, and any other good that you can convince the “financer” to be of any value…

Looking for resale price is passé, when you buy any thing it’s the “finance” price that it can generate what matters. (Not to be confused with the “matter” that I shall come to later on). If you have not visited the “finance” you have no right to earn that BE degree.

There you have it, our very own Grameen Bank… More sophisticated and practical that Mr.Younus’s Micro credit system… I declare war on the Nobel Prize committee!!!

Account:

Literal meaning:

1. description of an event
2. a record of financial expenditure
3. a service through a bank or something like that
4. a company on whose project you are working on (IT industry)
   

We use it this way…

You don’t have any money!! Your mobile phone is already with the finance guys!! And you owe them too much to go show your face there again!! You are hungry (again)!!!

Your “account” is always there when you need it. Of course it’s not like some bank account which lets you take the money that you have put in earlier. Wats the fun in that? An account is something that you “keep” (yeaa keep not open) which lets you utilize the services of the place (usually some mess or hotel or tea shop, Hell Chitrai keeps his account even at TASMAC) till the owner is fed up of the unpaid bills and the “account book” doesn’t have any more pages left…

The final account settling takes place at a pace slower than a Rahul Dravid century. And more often than not results in something going into the “finance”. The account is the life and blood of all people who take rooms outside the hostel and stay. And it’s also a great chance for enemies to get even with you for all your misdeeds when by mistake you ask em to eat on your account.

Every student must have kept an account at some point of time or the other or in the worst case at least helped someone pay off his account bills. Usually the person who maintains the account for you is a nice jolly fello but once he starts to see that you have no intention of clearing up the account starts to act strange at first and then eventually hires “aalunga” to maybe puncture your bike tire or steal your cell phone…

There is a mad rush to get hold of people who have accounts whenever an emergency arises. The emergency is usually the result of uncontrolled boozing at the TASMAC which ensures that no more money is left for the food. All account holders try to make themselves scarce during such periods of emergency…

Nobody has a record of when and where the “account” system originated but God bless the creators…

<***** There’s a lot more remaining and I have decided to split it into episodes to make for easy reading (and understanding) So keep tuned in for updates ;) *****>

Khan Bangaya Crorepathi: KBC

** and so has the T.V channel and the Telephone company**

Welcome folks... It’s sad that I have made it a point to waste your time with all insignificant things possible week in and week out… But… with the kind of jobless people who usually read my blog I don’t think I should be feeling sorry. Guess I’m doing you all a favor. So let’s get to today’s column without further delay…

I happened to watch the first episode of KBC-3 and I have to admit, no matter how much I detest SRK’s “acting” ability he does a pretty good job in front of a crowd. Partly because the audiences are spared the “tears” part plus his sense of “timing-comedy” is really admirable…

Now of course there are a bunch of people who HAD to compare SRK with Big G and I’m sure you’ll be totally surprised to know that they think he is no match for AB. Personally I did not find anything similar in the styles of both men which totally rules out any chances of a logical comparison but who cares bout logic anyway…

Anyway I have not set out to justify who hosts the show better but to show the kind of money that is actually coming out of this show. SRK is now a Crorepathi 50 times over. Yea you heard me right 50 fuckin times over. Reportedly he has been paid almost twice the amount that was being given to the Big B…

All this in return for almost nothing. God damn it he doesn’t even have to cry on stage!!! The only difference is that he could romance beautiful women earlier but with the kind of money he’s being paid I don’t think that he would have a problem romancing an Orangutan… (And you thought Shetty’s 12 crore were something to write about!!)

I recently read somewhere that the channel receives more than a million sms’s for each show. Not to mention the phone calls and all that shit. The channel and the phone company have a 50:50 sharing deal. Now if each msg costs even 3 bucks... THEY ARE GETTING FUCKIN RICH!!!! So what’s the fucking deal if they give away some lacs of rupees as prizes anyway…

This is really not worth writing about but I’m on a quest to write something non-wrestling and non-booze it’s really hard to find any “interesting” content.

Till next time then...

CHeers!!

Celebrity Big BOTHER... finally over

Thats not a typo...

After all the unwanted hue and cry over nothing the reality show Celebrity Big Brother aired by UK's Channel 4 finally came to an "exciting" finish. Too bad for the news channels who will now have to concentrate on other "unimportant" things... like news for instance. Ofcourse rumours have it that the Bacchan family is planning a trip to Kasi..

The show ended with the "Indian" actor (Now im a racist I presume cause I just called her Indian??) Shilpa Shetty being crowned the winner. I dont know if she was crowned or not but she sure gave the effect of being crowned Miss World or somethin like that. All for a third rate show watched by third rate people. Not to mention the third rate "celebrities" who took part in it.

I thought ours was a "We dont give a damn" country. We dont give a damn when we find hungry children on the road. We dont give a damn when half the country is dying of poverty. We dont give a damn when the poor farmers are committing suicide. We dont give a damn... Unless... Team India loses a stupid cricket match... An actor comments on pre-marital sex... Some half excuse for a human "racially" abuses a "famous" citizen of the country.. Wow! We are so morally superior than em aint we???

And then just to show how "generous" we actually are we invite the alleged "tormentor" to visit our country and experience the "healing effect". Im sure that when Goody lands in India the slime the dirt and the enraged (read jobless and wanna show up on camera) public will give her some "healing effect". All it took is one day and some silly remarks to drag a pathetic ailing show to be thrust forcefully into the limelight.

Funny thing.. The media watchdog received more protests for airing those comments than it did for airing Saddam's hanging.. Now now why would anyone care a fuck bout "some guy's" hanging right??? Atleast not as much as an Indian actor being reduced to tears on live TV im sure. Its even more funny the way that they "made up" (also on live TV) and suddenly everythng is hunky dory..

Finally in a lame effort to prove that they are not racists the Brits nominated Shetty to win the contest and take home Rs.12 crore... Yea you heard me right.. 12 fuckin Crore rupees... Hell even Mads (Madhuri) is gettin paid jus 1crore for her next movie.. The point is not whether the English are racist or not (Ofcourse they are) but just that are we any better than em??? Now that everything has died down... No matter what people say racism is here to stay.. When you dont have enough respect for your own countrymen it ll be ages before when you find respect abroad. Period!

Till next time then...

Keep rockin!

Salaam E Ishq: A Tribute to Love

Director: Nikhil Advani

Cast: SRK, Big B and Aish are not there..

Vidya Balan...... Tehzeeb Hussain Raina
John Abraham...... Ashutosh Raina
Govinda...... Raju aka Taxiwala
Shannon Esrechowitz...... Stephanie aka Dreamgirl
Priyanka Chopra...... Kkamini
Salman Khan...... Rahul
Akshaye Khanna...... Shiven Dungarpur
Ayesha Takia...... Gia Bakshi
Sohail Khan...... Ramdayal
Isha Koppikar...... Phoolwati
Anil Kapoor...... Vinay Malhotra
Juhi Chawla...... Seema Bakshi Malhotra
Anjana Sukhani...... Anjali
(You asked for it!!!)

Running Time: 6 hrs and 45 min (intermission excluded)

Rating: 0.5/5


6 stories.. 12 characters.. Sounds familiar?? This desi adaptation of Love Actually "actually" puts you to sleep.. Several times..

You cant help but admire Nikhil's guts as to how he set out to make such a movie. At the end of the gruelling 6hrs 45min you end up surprised... that you're still alive and that the movie is actually over.. Lets take a look at the six stories (in no particular order)

Story 1: (Priyanka Chopra - Salman Khan)

Kamini is the number 1 item girl in Bollywood but dreams of making it big one as as an actress. Out of no where comes Rahul who has a plan to help her achieve her dreams in return of Rs.1 crore. They inevitably fall in love and if you havent already guessed Kamini throws a perfectly good career out of the window for her love. Priyanka is perfect in her role... Of an item girl who as no clue about acting. Sallu Bhai looks old and tired and utterly unconvincing.

Story 2: ( John Abraham - Vidya Balan )

5 minutes into the movie I unsuccessfully try to supress a huge yawn and realise that its gonna be a looong movie. Suddenly you have the stunning Vidya Balan on screen and get a feeling that the movie wont be so bad after all.. In the next 15 min she meets with an accident and all your hopes are dashed.. Vidya suffers from temporary memory loss and John over the entire course of the movie tries all he can to make her remember again.. By some miracle she doesn get back her memory (even after meeting with a second accident) The director really had me there. Nevertheless the story is stretched beyond the point of tolerance..

Story 3: ( Akshaye Khanna - Ayesha Takia )

Easily the most convincing of the 6 angles.. Until the climax ofcourse where the hero has to stop the wedding.. Akshaye comes out with another great performance and his comic timing deserves mention.. Especially towards the end where he tries to win Ayesha back.. If you were wondering why the 0.5 rating you kno now.. Ayesha looks like a million bucks... errr... million pounds... And im not talking currency!!

Story 4: ( Govinda - Shannon Esrechowitz )

The whole desi baabu angrezee mem thing is totally uncalled for but now that you have cast them you have to do something right?? So the director gives us this. Govinda is a cabbie looking for his dream girl when Shannon comes to India lookin for her Desi NRI boyfriend who is out to marry an indian girl of his parents choice. The inevitable happens for the second time in the movie and the couple falls in love. The climax is pretty interesting tho with Govinda coming out with a good performance..

Story 5: ( Anil Kapoor - Juhi Chawla - Anjana Sukhani )

Anil is married to Juhi (who looks in great shape even after all these years) and they have 2 kids, also he has a high paying job with a media company in London. The inevitable happens for the third time when he bumps into Anjali, a young seductive single woman who believes in getting what she wants.. And she wants him.. Anil comes out with a good performance but Anjali steals the show leaving the men ogling at her seductive body and giving em enough fantasies to last a week. No wonder the toilets were a lil more crowded than usual during the interval..

Story 6: ( Isha Koppikar - Sohail Khan )

Its still a mystery why this couple was cast..

All in all the movie is badly made and the stories are very loosely (deliberately) tied. No one knows how Salman lands up at the wedding in the climax and how Priyanka follows him.. Clearly a lame attempt to have the entire star cast in the sme scene.. The climax itself starts more than a hour before the movie ends because there have to be 6 different climaxes which totally defeats the purpose of a climax.. Another scene in which Priyanka and Anil land up at the bar in the middle of the night and look to sort out their life by talking to each other is totally hilarious (given that they hardly know each other). The music is not worth writing about.. Babuji Dheere chalne looks perfect tho.. Anjali does what she does best.. Leaves the men and the lesbians drooling.. Shankar Eshaan n Loy hav disappointed big time..

Could have been a lot lot better.. But then could have been a lot worse... I suggest you watch this movie if you have money and time to waste and if you have a really bad taste in movies.. Naa... not reason enuf.. Wait a min.. YOu shouldn even watch it if someone is treating you... Now if someone is paying you... You might give it a second thought.. Else Pokkiri, Aalwaar or Taamirabharani are definitely better options..

FMS

I was in Bangalore yesterday. To write an exam, something which has proved to be reaaaaly expensive. All thanks to Ashu for getting me into the mess (And getting out very smartly herself not to mention that, Ive always tol dat she's very smart). I mean, 6 months of savings all gone in one night.. Swhhosh!! Jus like dat.. Well Ashu is not to completely to blame for that. I blame it on Saddam's hanging.. On George fuckin W Bush.. Yeaa.. Had it not been for the hanging there wouldn have been riots in the city and had there not been riots i wouldn have had to take refuge at the B11 pub (Im peace loving person and totally condemn violence and the pub was the only nearby place i could think of where i would be safe).

Anyway lets talk bout the exam itself.. I like going to these competitive exams.. Haven written any of em until yesterday but have accompanied my friends on various occasions.. The crowd fools you into thinking that its some fashion show.. Yest was no different.. Everyone was nicely dressed and most of the girls were good looking.. Its Bangalore after all.. I thought I was pretty decently dressed myself.. Until few of the girls started asking me directions mistaking me for the watchman.. Man, its hard to keep up with the so-called "hip" crowd.

The exam hall was pretty decent.. Airy.. with the view of a Cricket match going on at the ground and some 100 odd people screaming their lungs out blissfully unaware of the fact that some people were actually trying to write an exam.. I had a doubt that i might get distracted..And when that hottie chick came and sat next to me (on the same bench) all my doubts were confirmed.. Hmmm.. I thought screw the exam, maybe somethin else may come out of this.. Like a date or something.. I got my hopes all high when she smiled at me after the exam but then quickly realised that she was trying hard not to laugh looking at my nearly blank answer sheet.. So much for asking her out!!!

That was the first time that I actually took my eyes off her n checked out her answer sheet.. DAMN had i copied from her paper I was sure to clear the test.. Anyway wats done is done.. Time to go and keep my date.... With Bibhash.. Had a decent evening after that.. Thank GOd he had a bike and Thank God we din go to MG road and get run over by a million other job less people walking the streets..

All in all its been a kinda crappy day.. NOthing new bout that.. Oh I totally forgot to mention that my bus broke down in the middle of the night n we had to wait 2 hrs in the freezing cold with some thousand odd hungry (blood thirsty) mosquitoes for company... The biggest complain I have is that Im back to my beggar days but I guess it was worth it.. Cant say for sure.. Dad tells in his days they jus had 3-4 bucks to spend for an entire week.. Papa... Nothing has changed!!!!

Till next time....

PS: I have not mentioned anythin bout the exam... I hope you have guessed why...

PEacE!!!