GO(a)ING!!!

It was an easy choice. The decision was unanimous. Dont remember the last time when I decided something so quickly. I think it was some time last year when we wanted to watch a movie and the only movies in the vicinity were Vijay's "Sivakasi" and the cheap sleazy flick "Peeping Tom". No prizes for guessing which movie we went to...

Folks!!! Your very own "drunknmunky" is off on a loooog trip. The travel itinerary is as follows:

9/2/07 : Leaving for Madras
10/2/07 & 11/2/07 : Madras
12/2/07 - 16/2/07 : Goa
17/2/07 & 18/2/07 : Bangalore

In short :: 9/2/07 to 18/2/07 loads of booze n loads of masti...

I was particularly excited about the Goa trip cause I have dreamed of this for a reaaaaly long time. Maybe even before I knew what a bikini was. And now I know what “without the bikini” is. Goa…. The land of the beaches, babes, boo**, bikinis… I don totally agree… Goa… The land of BOOZE!!! I mean bikini or bi(n)kini is obviously a sight that shouldn’t be missed but hell not at the cost of booze.

Unfortunately booze is not the top priority for every1 on the tour so I have to be a lil more patient. And by the way don get any ideas I luv to watch em women too ;-)

I was wondering if I had any good clothes to carry along with me. The answer was as usual a NO. Its been ages since I bought myself a pair of decent clothes. Damn, I even had to borrow clothes for my interview. Hell, who cares!! Im not much of a sucker for dressing up good anyway. Even if I do get myself to buy a pair of decent clothes it’ll be ages before I can impress Ashu.

Anyway, jus for the simple reason that the 3 “Jockeys” and 2 “Rupa Macroman’s” that I own are enuff to grant me access to “almost” all the places in Goa, I never considered the thought of buying anything for the trip.

Had it not been for Vinod’s stupidity I would have left for the trip kinda “light”. But nay… He wouldn have it. He asked me “What bout the areas where chaddis are not allowed???” Now, I don’t know what he meant exactly but it sounded like he was either referring to a pub or the public transport or something where they might expect you to be in something more than chaddis or maybe he was talking bout a brothel or or the nude beach where you wouldn need em anyway. Either ways I decided to do some pre-Goa shopping.

“What the fuck can you buy with 300 bucks anyway!!!!!” asked Vinod. Look buddy, that’s all I got. Don expect me to spend more than that on a stupid jean. I mean, I don give two straws for a designer label stuck up my butt!! Now how many do you think are gonna check out my ass??? If I was J-Lo or Shakira I should be worrying bout what my butt looks like but as far as I’m concerned my butt is as interesting to world as the color of G.W.Bush’s undies.

I really have to give it up for you dude. (Standing and bowing in front of the reader). After listenin to me talk bout my preferred underwear brands, my butt, my cheap taste in clothes and for Christ’s Sake the color of Bush’s panties, If you are still here you sure have some taste in literature.

Ok lemme wrap up for the day. From tomorrow ill present to you “The Drunken Diaries”, my account of one of the most amazing trips I have ever had. For those of you who are still wondering what I finally bought myself, I got a “cargo”. Why?? I jus thought of the constipated look that my house owner ladydee gives me each time I bring up booze to my room and decided to take pity on her. No more hassles of tryin to hide bottles.

If you have enjoyed the article… You are plain sick!!!

If you have learned something from this… I pity you!!!

And if you aint down with that…

I have jus two words for you…

Chow!!!!

To go or not to go(a)..

Its been a bad week, really irritating. Th usual actually!! Now for those of you who are interested to know what really happened you can read on. Rest of you. I have jus 2 words for ya...

Hmmm.. I have never really written a blog on my weekly activities and jus cause I dont wanna give the impression of being a self obsessed swine I shall make it short...

Lets see... Past 7 days, I went to college 3 times, got kicked out 2 times, boozed 7 times, felt like puking 1 time, saw the paris hilton porno 13 times, used the word "fuck" 194 times, used some other abusive word 263 times, got irritated with some jackass or the other 1825 times, had food 8 times, went to "aroma bakery" 26 times and so many other insignificant things for an insignificant number of times...

Thought of writing a new column "The good, the bad and the ugly" in my blog. Thought I would update the jobless world on my weekly doings (which is usually nly booze n sleep, but stil). After typing the first few lines I realised that it should be called the "ugly" column rather cause there is never anythin to write under the "good" and "bad" segments...

I suddenly realised that I have been doing so much nothing over the past few months. More nothing than ever. This is really bad. Then I decided that something has to be done about this. And for once doing "something" has to be "something" unrelated to booze. I have convinced myself to go on an adventure to rejuvenate myself. Oh ho... I see the no booze strategy failing now itself... Hell!! who cares...

Ok guys I'll take your leave now, but I promise to be back with more crap the next time I log on..

Till then...

Adiós

Tam slang for you...

A look at the dictionary of an "average" (if something like that exists) college going student (usually engineering) in our very own loveable Tamland...

Kadalai:

Literal meaning: Groundnuts

Closest English translation: Flirting

Perhaps the most used word in the student's dictionary. Not to be confused with its closest English translation that has been mentioned earlier. Kadalai "putting" is an art... Yes yes… U dont "eat" this groundnut u "put" it... Various media for communication are mobile phone, the phone booth, sms, instant msgn and face to face kadalaifying.

When Kadalai is being put by a girl and a boy there will inevitably be a group of boys who will "spot" the event and declare with the utmost joy that.... "See da he is putting kadalai". The joy is almost equivalent to the joy obtained by putting kadalai yourself. This is usually followed by the group staring at the “kadalai-couple” with gaping mouths.

Kadalai can be put anywhere... The only requirements are a boy/girl exhibiting similar kadalai-motivation levels. The best places to put kadalai are the college canteen, the empty classroom (After every1 has left or before any1 has arrived as the case may be, the former being practised more often) and en route the ladies hostel.

Frequent kadalaiers usually avoid places like Coffee Day and the like because of serious lack of funds that every college-goer suffers from… Due to the complex nature of the topic I shall dedicate a separate blog to this later on…

Finance:

Literal Meaning: The management of certain amount of money

Our dictionary says…

You wake up in the morning, hungry and most probably hung over from the previous night’s booze... You try hard to recollect what might have happened but then give up presuming that you might have passed out at the bar as usual...

Your stomach is rumbling like the cave in “Alibaba aur 40 chor” You check your purse and it’s empty (as usual)... Flashes of your friends carrying you home come to your mind... One look at em and the “U better get us some food” look is enough to tell you that you are in deep shit...

Never fear… Finance is here…

Finance: Your one stop source for money (when you really need it, and when you feel like boozing). An institution that will give you money in exchange for goods such as cellular phones, gold chains, rings and other valuable items…

The amount of money “financed” depends on the value of the goods you place in the finance (obviously) N70>1100 etc etc… All you have to do is pay a “vatti” (interest) each month and voila!! Things are gloomy anymore…

The excessive demand created by the student’s has led to many more goods being brought under the finance-able spectrum. Laptops, digital cameras, and any other good that you can convince the “financer” to be of any value…

Looking for resale price is passé, when you buy any thing it’s the “finance” price that it can generate what matters. (Not to be confused with the “matter” that I shall come to later on). If you have not visited the “finance” you have no right to earn that BE degree.

There you have it, our very own Grameen Bank… More sophisticated and practical that Mr.Younus’s Micro credit system… I declare war on the Nobel Prize committee!!!

Account:

Literal meaning:

1. description of an event
2. a record of financial expenditure
3. a service through a bank or something like that
4. a company on whose project you are working on (IT industry)
   

We use it this way…

You don’t have any money!! Your mobile phone is already with the finance guys!! And you owe them too much to go show your face there again!! You are hungry (again)!!!

Your “account” is always there when you need it. Of course it’s not like some bank account which lets you take the money that you have put in earlier. Wats the fun in that? An account is something that you “keep” (yeaa keep not open) which lets you utilize the services of the place (usually some mess or hotel or tea shop, Hell Chitrai keeps his account even at TASMAC) till the owner is fed up of the unpaid bills and the “account book” doesn’t have any more pages left…

The final account settling takes place at a pace slower than a Rahul Dravid century. And more often than not results in something going into the “finance”. The account is the life and blood of all people who take rooms outside the hostel and stay. And it’s also a great chance for enemies to get even with you for all your misdeeds when by mistake you ask em to eat on your account.

Every student must have kept an account at some point of time or the other or in the worst case at least helped someone pay off his account bills. Usually the person who maintains the account for you is a nice jolly fello but once he starts to see that you have no intention of clearing up the account starts to act strange at first and then eventually hires “aalunga” to maybe puncture your bike tire or steal your cell phone…

There is a mad rush to get hold of people who have accounts whenever an emergency arises. The emergency is usually the result of uncontrolled boozing at the TASMAC which ensures that no more money is left for the food. All account holders try to make themselves scarce during such periods of emergency…

Nobody has a record of when and where the “account” system originated but God bless the creators…

<***** There’s a lot more remaining and I have decided to split it into episodes to make for easy reading (and understanding) So keep tuned in for updates ;) *****>

Khan Bangaya Crorepathi: KBC

** and so has the T.V channel and the Telephone company**

Welcome folks... It’s sad that I have made it a point to waste your time with all insignificant things possible week in and week out… But… with the kind of jobless people who usually read my blog I don’t think I should be feeling sorry. Guess I’m doing you all a favor. So let’s get to today’s column without further delay…

I happened to watch the first episode of KBC-3 and I have to admit, no matter how much I detest SRK’s “acting” ability he does a pretty good job in front of a crowd. Partly because the audiences are spared the “tears” part plus his sense of “timing-comedy” is really admirable…

Now of course there are a bunch of people who HAD to compare SRK with Big G and I’m sure you’ll be totally surprised to know that they think he is no match for AB. Personally I did not find anything similar in the styles of both men which totally rules out any chances of a logical comparison but who cares bout logic anyway…

Anyway I have not set out to justify who hosts the show better but to show the kind of money that is actually coming out of this show. SRK is now a Crorepathi 50 times over. Yea you heard me right 50 fuckin times over. Reportedly he has been paid almost twice the amount that was being given to the Big B…

All this in return for almost nothing. God damn it he doesn’t even have to cry on stage!!! The only difference is that he could romance beautiful women earlier but with the kind of money he’s being paid I don’t think that he would have a problem romancing an Orangutan… (And you thought Shetty’s 12 crore were something to write about!!)

I recently read somewhere that the channel receives more than a million sms’s for each show. Not to mention the phone calls and all that shit. The channel and the phone company have a 50:50 sharing deal. Now if each msg costs even 3 bucks... THEY ARE GETTING FUCKIN RICH!!!! So what’s the fucking deal if they give away some lacs of rupees as prizes anyway…

This is really not worth writing about but I’m on a quest to write something non-wrestling and non-booze it’s really hard to find any “interesting” content.

Till next time then...

CHeers!!